The Gist of It: The power of going through life with a chip on your shoulder. How to deal yourself in, when the world counts you out.
Here’s a confession: Last year absolutely crushed me. Body, mind, and soul. Life came at me from all angles, all at once. The details are irrelevant for our immediate purposes, but suffice it to say that I’ve lived through enough not to be someone who exaggerates these things.
(Side note: Yes, that might seem like a weird/inauspicious way to kick off this Substack… BUT! I hope you’ll take it as a sign that I plan to keep it real with you and not as a sign that I’m gonna be all doom-and-gloom.)
Why am I telling you this? Because living through more stuff that pushed me to my limit is a reminder of why our inaugural Sociology of…Everything topic is so important and so universally relevant.
Underdogs: The Why and the What
Much of my work as a sociologist has focused on questions around identity:
Who am I? Who are you? Who are we together?
Thankfully, many aspects of identity are not fixed. Who you are today isn’t necessarily who you were yesterday or who you’ll be tomorrow. Our perpetual ability to adapt, evolve, and regenerate is a formidable superpower. Over time, some people choose to become a parent or select a life partner. Others change course and reinvent themselves professionally. Some physically transform as they improve their health or as life takes its toll.
I also continue to reinvent myself — making life and career pivots or moving to new continents. And each time I do, I feel like a new person, despite still being “me.” I call these directed choices our “aspirational identities.” I’m grateful that we can grow to be more than the biographical circumstances of our birth and that identity is, in part, a creative act. It’s not only “Who am I?” but also “Who do I want to be?”
Defining who we are involves telling three stories:
How did I get here?
Who am I now?
Where am I going?
We’ll dive into the stories we tell about ourselves in a future month, but for now, I want to focus on one particular kind of story and identity: The underdog.
Ask someone who they are and their answer will often involve how they became that person. Many begin not by describing their wins, but the hurdles they’ve overcome — the rejection, the loss, the illness, the poverty, the divorce, the displacement, the discrimination, the dysfunction, the layoff, the addiction. Maybe those struggles do define you, but sometimes we lead with a storyline due to negativity bias, or because we don’t want to seem cocky by emphasizing the positive, or because we love a good comeback story.
The science: Studies find that when someone with a disadvantage is labeled an underdog, participants counterintuitively predict the underdog will outperform expectations, and they therefore treat them differently. This is fascinating for one big reason: Whether one “qualifies” as an underdog is not what’s important. It’s being PERCEIVED as one — both by others and yourself — that matters.
Also, who’s to say what qualifies as underdog status? We can debate that on a case-by-case basis, but that misses the point. The goal here is not to exploit, exaggerate, or measure your challenges but to 1) harness the power of what those struggles can teach, 2) align your mindset, and 3) transform your behavior and interactions (to be explained below).
In case you’re counting yourself or someone you know out of this underdog category, let me be clear: Everyone has something in their life that has challenged them. Every single person can identify a time when they felt like an underdog. I’ve felt like an underdog so many times and in so many contexts, I’ve lost count. Perhaps you’ll agree with me when I say: It never gets easier.
And yet, here I am. Still at it, redefining myself in light of these new challenges. Just like you. Because that’s what underdogs do. No one wishes for hardship, but you’re missing out on the grace afforded by the struggle if you don’t capitalize on how you can not only inspire others but — more importantly — yourself, if you intentionally observe and take action as an underdog.
Being an Underdog: Observe and Take Action
7 qualities you’ll observe in underdogs + actions you can take + how I apply it
Underdogs appreciate what they have. They don’t take things or people for granted. Once you’ve felt the pangs of struggle, you don’t easily forget it. Immunity to complacency can and should be a universal goal.
To do: Make a point to notice the little things and demonstrate appreciation. Savor the minutiae of everyday life as much as the monumental stuff. We often say and hear this, but we don’t consistently align our actions with that intention. Enhance your awareness and make a point of delighting in the small stuff.
My example: My favorite thing to notice and appreciate is…the sky. For real. Pretty simple, huh? It’s this never-ending, perpetually changing show that surprises and delights me on a daily basis. Sunsets are always cool, but the luminous, mutating moon is the real showstopper for me. I pause, drink it in, and verbally articulate that awe to anyone nearby (if you’ve been with me, it’s possible you can vouch for this!)
Underdogs are creative. This is a topic I’ll dive into more thoroughly next month, but learning to do without or operating from a point of disadvantage demands creativity — which goes far beyond artistic expression. Specifically, underdogs are well-versed in the art of improvisation, because it’s necessary for survival.
To do: Learn to imagine a different, better outcome, regardless of the odds. You don’t have to tell anyone, but don’t filter or diminish your imagination. Mentally embrace stuff that sounds truly outlandish and crazy and has always been the life of “other” people. Imagine a world in which it’s also yours. Feel the difference.
My example: Admittedly, I take this to an extreme. I’m prone to seeing a place that feels like it resonates with me, and then I start imagining my life there — and in some cases, I actually move. (If you’re curious about these creative life pivots, I’ve written about my approach to them before and will do so in greater depth here soon.)
Underdogs pay attention. When you’re an outsider, you vigilantly pay attention to what it takes to “fit in.” Details and differences are not lost on underdogs. They quickly size up a situation and analyze how to optimize it. Obliviousness undermines even the most educated and well-intentioned person.
To do: What are you NOT paying attention to? Mentally ask yourself that question in different contexts until you start broadening and sharpening your attention naturally. Watch your relationships and personal and professional efficacy transform as a result.
My example: I find myself in unfamiliar contexts so frequently that I’m on perpetual observational high-alert, and I bring this into more mundane contexts, as well. For instance, if I have a Zoom call with a new person, I hide my image from myself so that I’m focused exclusively on the other person (instead of how I look) and I take in everything — their background, their appearance, their voice — it’s all useful information that can help me find a deeper point of connection with the person.
Underdogs take (calculated) risks. If you start from the bottom, you don’t feel like there’s much to lose. That doesn’t mean underdogs are inherently reckless, but it does bode well for putting yourself out there and taking calculated risks.
To do: Most people make choices based on mental safety. Test the waters of operating against that instinct weekly and monthly. Start small and branch out from there. When you revert back to the safe choice, interrogate that action and imagine the upside to NOT doing that next time. Sometimes the safe choice is the “right” choice, but sometimes it isn’t.
My example: My commitment to never again work for someone else is a lifelong calculated risk that brings me as much anxiety as it brings me joy. Ultimately, it’s worth it for me, because the thought of clocking in at an office feels like a slow death. I know I’m not built for it. That doesn’t lower the risk of rejecting that life, but I need only remind myself of the alternative, and the risk/reward ratio tips heavily.
Underdogs lean into life. Their default answer is “yes.” Yes, I can learn how to do that. Yes, I can make that happen. Yes, that is possible. I’m not saying they’re delusional, but the intent is to figure it out, not shut it down.
To do: Stop being a “no” person. Seriously. Some limitations are real, but mostly, excuses make you boring and less happy. Vow to become a “yes” person and surround yourself with other “yes” people. There’s an abundance of advice urging you to say “no” as a form of self-care. Examine what you are saying no to and why, and challenge yourself to say “yes” to more things that might push / scare you and introduce a new spark into your life.
My example: I try to surround myself with other people who are also leaning into life. I will only reach out so many times before I stop entertaining someone’s perpetual excuses not to connect / do / experience. They have every right to make that choice, but a perpetual “no” is a clear sign we’re not aligned — so I shift focus and delight in the “yes” people.
Underdogs persevere. They know when not to take no for an answer and instead push on. Perhaps counter-intuitively, underdogs tend to be confident (while arguably less arrogant) and curious; otherwise they would still be stuck in a previous reality.
To do: Accept that things don’t
alwaysusually happen how and when you want them to. More often than not, that isn’t a sign to stop; it’s a sign to keep working. As cliche as it sounds, remember that learning is winning. Approach each challenge / encounter with curiosity, rather than (self-)criticism.My example: Pitching a book proposal or funding a company are two pursuits that will earn even truly brilliant people with great ideas a series of rejections. I’ve dedicated my life to creating projects that constantly involve someone telling me I’m not X enough or my project is too Y. Everyone has an opinion, and every day I have to determine which voices to listen to and which to shut out so I can keep going and not lose steam.
Underdogs reject imposter syndrome. Being an underdog doesn’t mean you’re a fraud when you do manage to triumph. Pedigree and any other false metric for worthiness doesn’t determine who “deserves” something.
To do: Stop caring so much what other people think and start thinking more about what you’re doing with your current position. The issue is not “do you deserve to be there?” but “what will you do with the privilege of being there?”
My example: Most people who are familiar with me / my work don’t know the details of what it took to arrive at this place. (Maybe you can relate.) And so there are a lot of assumptions, which can affect your psyche. But I know the narratives others spin are not as important as the ones I create for myself. I constantly reassess: Am I doing enough with where I’m at, to eventually get to where I know I can be, to do the work I feel most called to do? That line of personal inquiry keeps me on track and keeps imposter syndrome at bay.
Trust me when I tell you I’m not trying to glamorize hardship. But being an underdog in life has shaped and informed my character, my career, my relationships, and pretty much every life choice, both big and small. And even on the heels of a year like the last one, I can still confidently say that my underdog status has made me more successful and, ultimately, happier. I wish the same for you.
Underdog resources and inspiration:
Research: The Future Is Bright: The Underdog Label, Availability, and Optimism, and The Appeal of the Underdog, Goldschmied, N. & Vandello, J.A.; The Upside of Being an Underdog, Samir Nirmohamed (Harvard Business Review).
Books: David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants, Malcolm Gladwell. If you’re into all things Gladwellian, it might be worth revisiting his book on underdogs and why they win.
Film / TV: The list is endless — Rocky, Erin Brockovich, the Karate Kid, Moneyball, Hidden Figures, Braveheart, Lion…. But if you only choose one, watch Friday Night Lights (the series, not the movie). Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.
Music: Also an endless list, but I’m giving my official underdog anthem crown to LL Cool J’s “Mama Said Knock You Out.” Don’t call it a comeback…
Do you consider yourself an underdog? What has it taught you? How do you maximize the power of underdog status in your life? Which underdogs inspire you? What’s your underdog anthem? Tell me in the comments!
Have a question for me about living life as an underdog? Submit it and I’ll post an audio response soon.
The conversation continues! Stay tuned next week for my conversation on living life as an underdog with my old friend Jude Angelini (“All Out Show”) — a man who always keeps it real and one of my favorite people to observe and analyze life with.
Inspiring and helpful. Thank you. Also, congratulations on the new book! I look forward to the ongoing posts