The Sociology of… Happiness

Are we happy yet?

The Gist of It: We’re happiness-obsessed and less happy. Small choices can bridge that gap.

Talking about happiness as a concept has become extremely trendy. To the point where I’m prompted to ask:

What is left to say about happiness?

I’ve definitely been part of the perpetuation of that trend. I’ve studied happiness, developed a university course on it, given a TEDx talk on it, written a book about it — I don’t want to say I’m tired of talking about happiness, but…

It does make me wonder: Are we happier for studying happiness so much? For talking about happiness so much? (Am I happier for it?)

Studies (see below) would suggest we’re not. But we could be.

The Sociological Hot Take

It’s easy to forget that happiness was not really a topic of discussion and research too long ago. Sure, Aristotle wrote about “eudaimonia” or human flourishing / “the good life,” but positive psychology didn’t formally take root until the end of the 20th century, and the World Happiness Report has only been around since 2012.

Since the dawn of our modern happiness obsession, research has revealed several enlightening points, most of which you’ve probably heard by now:

• We each have a happiness “set point” that we eventually return to, whether we win the lottery or suffer a devastating accident, IF we don’t also change other aspects of our life.

• Intrinsic motivation (i.e. pure enjoyment) is more satisfying than extrinsic motivation (i.e. money).

• Money matters a lot up to a point (a number that is still being debated), but then it matters very little (and we always want a little bit more than our neighbors).

• Giving to others makes us happy, thanks to the power of prosocial emotions.

• Social connection is the most important key to finding happiness.

I’m sure I’m missing a few things, but these are the highlights.

Whenever you see these research results revealed, you can count on some happiness-inducing directives to follow: Socialize! Meditate! Challenge your brain! Move your body!

In 100 words, I’ve now summarized much of what the New York Times reports on as revelatory each week in its Wellness section. Which is just to say: We already know this stuff.

But, it bears repeating: Are we happier as a result?

There’s always a gap between “knowing” and “doing.” No one in 2025 would be shocked to learn that smoking is bad for you and erodes your well-being, and yet, millions of people still make that choice. Similarly, we know that meditation positively changes our brains in profound ways, including a boost in dopamine and serotonin — the “happy hormones.” But does that mean everyone dutifully meditates each day? It does not.

So while we mostly “know” what makes us biologically happy, we continue to make choices that largely counteract that potential happiness. Why? Laziness is one reason. Changing behavior takes work and effort. But that’s too gross of an oversimplification. There are also real (and perceived) constraints blocking us: limited time, exhaustion, illness, mental roadblocks, social pressure, tech companies designing for anti-happiness (I digress…). When you take all of these into account, our general state of unhappiness is unsurprising.

Just how unhappy are we?

Back in January of 2020, 65% of Americans reported to Gallup that they were “very satisfied” with the way things were going with their personal lives. I don’t have to tell you that the rest of that year took a huge nosedive, and it’s all been downhill from there:

As of 2025, only 44% of Americans are “very satisfied” with the way their personal lives are going. 44% marks the single lowest point in satisfaction since Gallup started asking the question in 1979. (The previous low point was 2011, with 46%, when we were still recovering from the financial crash.)

We could blame this number on COVID. We could blame it on the economy. We could blame it on our leadership. We could blame it on social media or technology in general. And certainly each of these is a contributing factor, depending on your personal situation. But if we wait for all of these elements to optimize to our liking, that happiness graph is going to continue to plummet.

We need a better, faster, simpler path to something resembling sustainable happiness.

Observe + Take Action

For this topic, I want to be as practical and literal as possible, as I don’t think general philosophizing is going to move the needle on happiness. So I hope some of these will resonate and feel doable.

> THINK SMALLER; MAKE A HAPPY STUFF LIST

Let’s acknowledge that we are unreliable judges of our own happiness, both in the present and in hindsight. “That was the happiest day of my life!” I hear this a lot from people when describing their wedding or the birth of their child, and certainly the case can be made for both. But I always marvel at these “best” / “favorite” descriptions of any kind. How can one objectively rank a day? Do other people have some internal happiness–meter that allows them to clock a legitimate score and compare every single day of their life? Cause I sure don’t. We also know that things / people / experiences grow rosier in our memories as we become further removed from them, so who’s to say if what we experienced was really as great as the story we tell ourselves?

While I can’t say which is my happiest day or the thing that makes me happiest, I can give you a Happy Stuff List that induces eudaimonia in me on a fairly consistent basis:

Tea, slippers, the warmth of the sun, connecting with people I love, time in nature, being creative, experiencing the creativity of others, getting cozy, wandering and exploring, culture shock, feeling challenged, getting lost in conversation, feeling appreciated, unplugging, extended writing sessions, analyzing culture and world events with friends, art that makes me laugh or cry, changing my mind about something, expanding my consciousness, sweating, a post-run high, collaborating, salt water, humidity (my hair gets to be happy, too), good lighting, talking to strangers, being quiet after prolonged socializing, physical touch, cooking for and with others, hosting things, house parties, spontaneous dance parties, organized dance parties, karaoke, being pleasantly surprised, delicious smells, hot showers, solo visits to the movie theater, breaking rules and engaging in a bit of strategic anarchy, giving and receiving love…

I don’t need metrics or double blind studies to tell me these things are good for me because they boost my happiness. I don’t need a special occasion, another degree, or more money to experience most of them. And, perhaps most importantly, I don’t need the world to radically change to enjoy many of them on any given day.

What I’m saying is: the bar to immediate happiness is pretty low, and we often forget this.

So make your own Happy Stuff List, do some of the things, then do them again.

[Note: Being stressed about your health / the health of someone you love or experiencing serious financial issues can wipe away your chances at happiness. Let’s not pretend that a walk in nature will fix either, because that’s insulting (and likely only advised by someone who’s never had to seriously worry about either). So know that I recognize that those factors change things, and that I’ve personally experienced how excruciating and all-encompassing financial stress and health concerns can be.]

But if you are in relatively stable health and you have enough money to pay your bills this month, then making a Happy Stuff list is the fastest path to what I would consider “real happiness.” (And even when something serious is happening, that list can add a boost.)

> IGNORE THE “HAPPY CITY INDEX”; CREATE YOUR OWN

Every time I see this dumb list I roll my eyes. Worry not: You don't have to move to one of these ridiculously labeled “happiest cities” to enjoy your life. I promise you that you if you go to Aarhus, Denmark (currently ranked #4) and ask them if they feel like they’re they’re in one of the top five happiest cities in the world, they will likely look at you like you’re crazy. Not because Aarhus is bad — I’ve been there; it’s perfectly fine — but because it’s generally no better or worse than many cities in developed countries. Are some places a better fit for you? Absolutely. And that matters a lot. But every city has problems, and as someone who’s moved more times than almost anyone I know, I can assure you that nowhere is going to make you happy unless you also focus on other aspects of your life.

Instead, make your own list of all the ways YOUR city can make you happy (and if it falls short, figure out where you can maximize your Happy Stuff List and move there).

> CURATE MORE, COMPARE LESS

Please, PLEASE, for the love of all that is good and sane, unfollow any social media account that leaves you feeling bad and induces constant comparisons. Give yourself permission to stop torturing yourself with a daily diet of images and content that makes you feel depressed and feeling “less than.” YOU have the power to stop that. Instant happiness boost, guaranteed.

I recommend only following accounts that do one of the following: connect you to someone or something you love, teach you something, inspire you, or make you laugh. That’s it. The rest is just a bunch of happiness blockers and should be eliminated from your life.

> STAY SELECTIVELY INFORMED

In an international survey, Reuters found that nearly one in four people regularly avoid the news, and the same proportion reported feeling “worn out” by the amount of news they’re confronted with.

Nothing short of a full Thoreauvian escape to our own personal Walden Pond would make this news-free aspiration possible, but let us acknowledge that there is a difference between drinking from a fire hose and staying hydrated (so to speak).

As with the above “curation” directive, once again, the key is to stay informed, while being selective. Unless you’re a journalist, you likely don’t need real-time, by-the-minute updates. Perhaps once or twice a day will suffice for “breaking” news, with weekly deep dives into longer form thought pieces or conversations.

Details matter, and I like to try to understand them in a larger context, where there’s space for complexity — which often doesn’t happen via chyrons or social media posts. The more that “slow and sober” wins the battle for your attention, the more your happiness factor will increase.

* * *

“The days are long but the years are short” — a saying often used by parents, but I find it applies equally well to happiness. Waiting for happiness to occur in the future, after some particular milestone or big life change or when the world “settles down,” will likely yield disappointing results, only to leave you wondering where the time went while you were waiting for happiness to arrive.

The above solutions are not a panacea, but I do believe they’re a solid path to increased life satisfaction, today and most days.

I’d love to hear what’s on your Happy Stuff List in the comments.