We are born in relationship. We are wounded in relationship. And we can only be healed in relationship.
Hello all, and a special welcome to all of the new SoE subscribers!
I’m thrilled to share this latest Sociology of…Everything conversation with you: The above is a quote from Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, who graciously agreed to speak with me about this month’s theme, the Sociology of… Relationships.
For those of you not familiar with their work, they are most well-known for their bestselling book, Getting the Love You Want, which I believe is the best relationship book of all time. Together, they’ve authored 10 books, which sold 4 million copies, and Harville appeared on Oprah 17 times. They are also relationship therapists and the founders of Imago therapy (discussed in the video / audio / transcript).
Anyway, I’m a fan. They changed the way I think about and engage in relationships and connection when I first discovered them many years ago, and I’m honored to be in conversation with them here. I hope you’ll enjoy it.
As always, I welcome your comments, and there’s still time to submit your questions about the Sociology of… Relationships for the audio advice column and your suggestions for relationship anthems (both here). I’ll respond to questions via audio next week and with a playlist at the end of the month.
“Romance is a seduction into this drama of healing and repair.”
“You fall in love with someone, and you don’t have a choice.”
“Relationships are a chance at a second childhood.”
“Relationships are the only thing of real value.”
Show notes:
00:00 Introduction + how they met
05:22 Relationships and psychotherapy: A brief history
15:15 Harville and Helen’s terrible first date — that laid the foundation for their work together
23:02 How their work is different
29:21 Imago
35:03 The importance of meeting your partner’s needs
37:10 The unconscious mind and partner selection
40:38 Healing and growth through relationships
50:16 Defining relationships vs. situationships (and the role of dialogue)
56:01 Their “brain book”
58:00 Parallel monologues vs dialogue
59:03 What to do if your partner won’t participate in this process?
01:00:21 The importance of relationships for well-being
01:06:50 Is our “Liquid Love Society” at odds with relationships?
01:15:24 Technology vs. relationships?
01:21:15 What Harville observes: Joyful aliveness and the universal desire to be seen, heard, and valued
01:25:04 Relationship anthems?
Learn more at harvilleandhelen.com and safeconversations.com; follow on IG: harvilleandhelen
"Getting the Love You Want" authors X Sociology of... Relationships