If you know me personally, it’s possible I’ve recommended the book Date-onomics to you at some point. It’s in my top 5 most recommended books, and my conversation on the Sociology of… Dating with the author, Jon Birger, demonstrates why.
Date-onomics has been called “the Moneyball of dating,” and its thoughtful, numbers-oriented approach to romantic connection stands out in a sea of clickbait and bad advice. Jon explains the role of gender imbalances in dating — specifically, how lopsided sex ratios amongst college graduates affect the entire dating pool and the behavior of both men and women. (He also wrote a more prescriptive follow-up, Make Your Move.)
Jon has some of the freshest takes on modern dating, including a social scientific approach to (re)calibrating your behavior. From age differences to geography to “unchecking the college box,” I think you’ll find this in-depth conversation about dating to be substantive, realistic — and yet — very hopeful. As with all my guests, I also ask Jon about what he observes, his dating anthems, and which karaoke duet we should sing.
I hope you’ll settle in and listen. You’ll learn, laugh, observe differently, and maybe (hopefully) start dating differently - or, if you’re in a relationship, analyze your own partnership with fresh eyes.
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What you’ll hear (listen on Substack or via your preferred podcast platform):
00:00 Intro and background of Date-onomics: The impact of gender imbalance on dating culture
05:45 Biology vs Culture
10:00 Who’s “pickiest”?
13:00 Geography: It’s not just what we do but WHERE we do it (how place influences behavior)
20:30 The musical chairs analogy + the controversial take on when it’s most advantageous for women to pair off
31:00 What about same sex couples?
33:00 Demographic shifts and “Liquid Love” (refresh your memory via last week’s article)
36:50 Age: It matters! (But not how you think)
45:30 “Mixed-collar dating”
51:15 Why women should care that men and boys are falling behind + what it does to dating culture
54:45 Recapping the dating solutions for women
58:45 What men say about Date-onomics + advice for men
1:11:30 Dating Apps: The case for and against, “shopping” for humans, dissecting the business model + more
1:23:00 The importance of “origin stories” in relationships
1:29:00 Real-world app alternatives
1:36:30 Rewriting the dating rules
1:43:30 The future of dating: Jon’s predictions
1:45:30 Jon’s favorite thing to observe
1:47:15 Jon’s dating anthems
1:52:20 Our karaoke duet
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